After being apart from Christian for three weeks, we were finally able to see him last Thursday! We went up to Missouri for a parent retreat with Calo.

While there, we were able to spend time with him; attend sessions learning more about different topics like their therapeutic model (more on that in a later post), animal assisted therapy, and boundaries; and connect with other parents going through similar seasons as us. 

We honestly were pretty anxious going in, even wondering if it’d be more helpful for Christian to have more time before seeing us again, but the whole experience was invaluable and gave us so much hope. 

After the retreat ended, we stayed one more night so we could spend some additional time with Christian on Saturday. We played basketball, he schooled me in Connect Four, and he talked about how much he doesn’t like his science class hahah

Thank you for your prayers and support!

You might be wondering how we decided on Calo, a specialized program in Missouri, for Christian’s medical care. After careful research, we landed on Calo for three key reasons: specialty, trust, and comprehensive treatment.

Specialty
We needed a program focused on early childhood trauma and attachment-based therapy—Christian’s specific needs. While many programs offered a broad range of services like substance abuse treatment or post-juvenile rehabilitation, Calo is uniquely dedicated to the very issues Christian is facing. He’s surrounded by peers with similar struggles and supported by professionals who specialize in trauma and attachment.

Trust
It’s incredibly difficult to send a loved one to a place where you can’t be with them every day. In a world where so many systems can fail, fear is understandable. But we were fortunate to connect with families who had personal experience with Calo, as well as professionals who had worked there. Their stories and recommendations gave us the confidence we needed to trust Calo with Christian’s care.

Comprehensive Treatment
What truly set Calo apart is the depth of their approach. It’s not just a boarding school with the occasional therapy session. Christian is immersed in a holistic program that includes family therapy, animal-assisted therapy, neurotherapy, adventure therapy, and more. Every part of his day is structured to support his healing, from the staff to the activities to the other boys in the program.

Now, after a month at Calo, we are beyond grateful for this decision.

How You Can Help
As you can imagine, this level of care comes at a high cost—and unfortunately, our insurance doesn’t cover it. We’ve started fundraising, and we’ve been overwhelmed by the generosity of family, friends, and even strangers.

If you’d like to help Christian continue his healing journey, you can donate through our church at the link below or via Venmo @samuelbevans. Every contribution, no matter the size, brings us one step closer to covering his care.

Thank you for your kindness and support!

Item descriptionSome have asked what Christian specifically needs help with, and while it’s complex, his journey centers around healing his attachment.

Attachment is the deep, enduring bond that forms between a person and their primary caregiver, laying the foundation for lifelong social and emotional health. Due to his early experiences, Christian’s brain hasn’t developed in a way that supports this bond. As a result, he struggles with emotional regulation, has trouble with memory, and faces an increased risk of depression, anxiety, and other challenges.

Christian’s brain has essentially learned that he cannot trust caregivers. To reinforce this, it drives him toward self-destructive behaviors—a heartbreaking cycle. But there is hope: the brain can heal.

At Calo, Christian is immersed in therapies designed to break this cycle. Through specialized, attachment-focused care, he’s learning that he can rely on adults who love him, have his best interests at heart, and will never give up on him.

If you’d like to support Christian’s healing journey, you can donate through our church at the link below or via Venmo @samuelbevans. Every gift, no matter the size, brings us closer to covering his care and giving him a future built on trust and connection.

Thank you for being part of Christian’s story and for your generous support!

One reason we chose Calo for Christian’s journey is the depth and care of their therapeutic approach. At the heart of Calo’s program is their unique CASA model—Commitment, Acceptance, Security, and Attunement—a framework that helps children and caregivers build the foundation of healthy attachment.

CASA supports the path a child and caregiver walk together, establishing trust, love, and safety. For many, this foundation feels natural—growing up knowing caregivers will always be there, love us unconditionally, and protect us. But for others, these essentials aren’t guaranteed, leaving childhood marked by uncertainty and fear.

Over the next 12-24 months, we’ll be walking this journey with Christian through family therapy, weekly calls, and in-person visits. At Calo, everyone—from the program director to the kitchen staff—embraces the CASA model, creating a safe and supportive environment that reinforces this healing process.

We hope and pray that, with time, Christian will find the trust and resilience he needs to believe in himself and in others.

To learn more about our story or to reach out if you’re navigating a similar season with your family, visit the link below. You can also contact us anytime at samandmaggieevans@gmail.com.

🎉 We’ve officially crossed the $100,000 mark in our fundraising! 🎉

A huge thank you to everyone who has supported us emotionally, physically, and financially—you’ve helped us get closer to our goal, and it truly means the world to us.

As we continue our journey, we’re excited to share a new way to support! We recently partnered with Gobena, a small-batch coffee roaster that supports families like ours navigating adoption and general orphan care.

When you purchase coffee (or any other products!) through the link below, 50% of each sale goes directly toward our fundraising efforts.

And yes, we made sure it’s good coffee! We had some serious taste-testers (aka coffee snobs) try the coffee, and they gave it top marks—even over popular brands like Starbucks and Eight O’Clock.

Please feel free to share this post with friends and family who might enjoy supporting us in this way. Every cup makes a difference! ☕💙

https://my.gobena.org/shop/?id=909

Thank you again for being part of our story!

Christian has officially been at Calo for two months, and those words are incredibly bittersweet. We miss him deeply, and this is the hardest thing we’ve ever experienced—but we know, without a doubt, that this is where he needs to be to truly heal.

The first two months have been a rollercoaster, just as the team at Calo prepared us for. During the first month, Christian was calm, kind, and agreeable—likely hoping that perfect behavior might earn him a ticket home. But by the second month, his walls began to crumble. Every phone call became a challenge, every family session felt heavier. Just when I thought I’d heard the worst, his creativity found new ways to lash out.

But the CASA model reminds us: our role is to stay committed, to love and accept Christian through every storm. This isn’t the real Christian—it’s the version shaped by years of self-defense, survival, and fear of letting anyone in. Trust doesn’t come easily when life has only taught you to protect yourself at all costs.

And then, there are moments of hope. Last night, after a particularly hard month, Christian said something that stopped me in my tracks: “I feel like I haven’t started opening up and working through anything in our family therapy sessions yet. I really want to start at the next one.”

For the first time, he’s expressed a willingness to begin this journey. And we pray this is the start of his commitment to healing.

This week, Maggie, Nayo, and I are heading to Calo for Thanksgiving. Christian even asked if Maggie and I could put his hair in two-strand twists. It’s a big deal for him to ask, and we’ve been practicing on a mannequin head to hone our skills. We’ve named said mannequin Monique. Truthfully, she’s been a difficult client; we’ve found it’s pretty challenging to do the hair of a head that doesn’t have a body to stabilize it. 

We hope to share a positive update—and maybe some photos—next week.

Thank you so much for your prayers, support, and encouragement. If you can, please continue to share our story and help us spread the word. 

Learn more or support us here: lifestylebysbe.com/give

This past weekend, we got to visit Christian—and overall it was a really great time.

We shared Thanksgiving lunch, played endless board games, and even did his hair. It was the first time Nayo had seen Christian since September, and it was so sweet watching them slip right back into their usual dynamic—complete with Nayo trying to cheat at Connect Four. (Definitely worth watching her attempts in that video)

It’s such a breath of fresh air to have these weighty and important concepts, like our commitment to him, intersect with us getting to eat good food and hear him laugh.

Thank you, as always, for your incredible support. We feel it every step of the way, and it means more than we can express.

12/16/2024

This week marks some incredible milestones in our journey.

One year ago today, Nayo and Christian officially became part of our family. It’s surreal to think they’ve been here a full year—it feels like both a blink of an eye and a lifetime.

This means it’s also been one year since I replaced our first toilet due to a flushed vape. (Yes, first. Christian was determined to test our plumbing skills, so I had the honor of installing a second toilet a mere month later.)

This Friday, Christian will hit the 90-day mark at Calo. From the beginning, the team told us that 90 days is when real change often starts to take root. We’re hopeful this will be the start of true acceptance and healing for him.

And finally, this past weekend, we crossed the $150,000 fundraising mark. Maggie and I can’t begin to describe what this means to us.

While we’re thrilled by this milestone, we still have a long road ahead. Christian’s team at Calo has shared that his treatment will likely extend to 15-18 months rather than just one year. We remain fully committed to his healing, but the weight of that timeline and cost has been heavy on our hearts. Reaching this milestone has given us renewed hope and reassurance.

To everyone who has supported us—through prayers, encouragement, and financial gifts—you’ve been our lifeline. We truly couldn’t do this without you.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

I haven’t shared much about what it was like when the kids came to live with us.

The kids moved in right after school let out for Christmas break in 2023, and we had high hopes for a magical holiday — sweet memories, new traditions, and growing closer as a family.

Reality had other plans.

To put it bluntly, Christmas 2023 was awful. Everyone was on edge. Maggie and I cried multiple times. No one had a good time, and no amount of cinnamon rolls or pigs in a blanket could fix it.

We’ve been through a lot in the past year, but amid all the hardship there have been and continue to be moments of brightness. And this past Christmas was one of those times.

We were able to spend four days with Christian at Calo. We did his hair again (with much better results this time), exchanged gifts, listened to him play guitar (he’s learned so much!), and just enjoyed a relaxed, peaceful time together. Much different than last year.

Don’t get me wrong — there are still many, many difficult moments. (According to the multiple therapists we talk to at this point, my biggest defense mechanism is solely focusing on the good, but that’s for another time.) There’s still a lot of healing ahead, but moments like this remind us how far he’s come.

Just a year ago, Christian told us, “You’re nice adults, but you’ll never be my parents.” And on the phone last week, he started the conversation with, “Hey, Dad.”

And to top it all off, we finally took our first family photo where everyone was smiling. A year ago, we couldn’t have imagined this moment.

Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, for your prayers, generosity, and kindness over these past few months. Whether you’ve supported us through donations, shared a kind word, or even bought coffee for our fundraiser, you’ve made a difference for our family, and we are so, so grateful.

This past weekend, we got to visit Christian at Calo, and it was nothing short of amazing. Over the past month, something has shifted for him—almost as if a light clicked on around Christmas.

For the first time, Christian has been openly talking about his emotions, showing genuine remorse for past actions, and laughing more than we’ve ever seen. During our visit, we had conversations I never dreamed we’d be having so soon.

One of the most memorable moments centered around school. We have our kids enrolled at a private school for several reasons: smaller class sizes, accessibility to teachers, and lower exposure to things like drugs. (You know, all the things Paul Evans and Marla Graves Evans definitely thought about when I was a kid lol.) Christian has always pushed back on this. I remember a particularly heated moment when he yelled at me in the car, saying, “If I really wanted cocaine, I guarantee you private school wouldn’t stop me from getting it.”

It’s easy to hear a story like this and instinctively react with judgment to the idea of a black teenage boy talking about drugs. I know I did. But learning Christian’s story has really reframed my perspective. For him, drugs weren’t just a choice; they were part of his environment from birth. He grew up around them, had to sell them as a child to help pay his family’s rent, and used them as his only escape from the overwhelming pain he carried. Understanding this has challenged me to confront my own biases and grow in empathy.

On Friday, as we stood in line at Kohl’s, Christian said something that completely stunned me: “When I come home, I want to keep going to school at Banks. I know I used to want to go to public school, but I think there’d be a lot of temptations there that would lead me to make bad choices.”

In that moment, I was floored. Not only did it show that he’s been listening to us all along, but it also revealed his desire to make better choices and his hope for the future—a future where he pictures himself back home with us.

Our weekend was filled with laughter, meaningful conversations, and even a little fun styling his hair again. Saturday night was particularly special, with some deeply vulnerable moments that reminded us of how much progress he’s making. It’s truly a privilege to witness his healing firsthand.

That said, we are consistently reminding ourselves that this will be a long journey with a lot of ups and downs. Christian’s therapist reminded us yesterday that this is just the first step in his healing process, and while there’s a lot to celebrate, there’s a long way to go.

We are so grateful for your prayers, encouragement, and financial support. Your generosity has been instrumental in Christian’s journey, and we’ve already seen so much fruit from this process.

If you’d like to help Christian continue on this path of healing, you can donate through the link below. Every contribution—big or small—helps us provide him with the care he needs to thrive. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you for walking alongside us.